The Dose
Subscribe
Cover photo

How to Help A Friend With Anxiety (From People Who Have Anxiety)

Here are 5 tips my patients tell me help the most. Take it from them. Not me.

Dr. Samantha Boardman

Mar 16
3

"I'm doing just fine," explained my patient. It was late March 2020 and our lives had just been upended by COVID-19. I was relieved to hear she was okay considering the unbridled disruption, uncertainty, and fear that pervaded the early days of the pandemic. Our weekly Monday appointments were cancelled indefinitely and I had not seen my patient in over two weeks.

"Thanks to years of therapy, I have lots of tools in my toolbox to deal with constant worry," she continued. "It's like I have been preparing for this moment all my life."

Having lived with anxiety for as long as she could remember, she found herself in the curious position of giving advice to friends who were experiencing overwhelming anxiety for the very first time. "After all these years, I have become an expert in uncertainty. I know what has helped me so I know how to be there for them."

Most of us know someone who struggles with anxiety and knowing what to say and how to help isn't always obvious. As a psychiatrist, I have treated many people who struggle with anxiety on a daily basis but I have learned as much, if not more, from my patients who live with anxiety as I have from training and textbooks.

Before offering any words of wisdom, hear them out. Resist the urge to interrupt, or to reassure, or to tell them they are overreacting. Give the person your full attention and compassion so that they feel understood and heard.

Anxiety can be a very lonely experience so showing up means a lot. Give them a call, take them for a walk, or suggest watching a movie together. Be responsive when they call or text. Remind the person that they are loved and that you are there for them.

"Just because meditation works for my anxiety doesn't mean it works for everyone's anxiety," explained my patient. Instead of assuming you know what's best or have all the answers, follow their lead. Anxiety manifests differently in everyone. Respect their experience.

As tempting as it is to want to "fix" someone, remember that a person with anxiety is not broken. Support their goals, celebrate their wins, and remind them of their strengths. Instead of focusing on problems, tap into their capabilities.

Setting limits doesn't mean you are a bad friend, it means you are human and have your own life too. It's okay to say, "I love you. I'm in the middle of something. Can we chat tomorrow morning?" If someone is asking for more than you can give, resentment sets in. Be open and honest. Clarity and communication are antidotes for guilt.

-------------

⏭ If you enjoyed this newsletter—please forward to your friends or share the link!

📩 Explore past newsletters and subscribe to new ones here on Bulletin.

👥 For more actionable, science-backed advice for countering stress and cultivating wellbeing—join me on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter.

Subscribe for free to The Dose
By subscribing, you agree to share your email address with Dr. Samantha Boardman to receive their original content, including promotions. Unsubscribe at any time. Meta will also use your information subject to the Bulletin Terms and Policies
Subscription provided by Meta. Help Center
3

More from The Dose
See all

How to Find a Therapist

Therapy doesn't have only have to be about fixing what's wrong, it can also be about building what's strong.
May 13
1

Self-Help Is Important. Other-Help Is Too.

When taken too far, self-help can be self-sabotaging, especially when it cuts us off from others. Other-help is what reliably gives us an enduring boost.
May 5
1
4

What Happy Couples Do Differently When Tensions Arise

When people report a lot of stress outside their romantic relationship, they also report more stress inside their romantic relationship. Here's how to avoid "spillover stress."
Apr 28
8
1
Comments
Log in with Facebook to comment

3 Comments

  • James Heartland
    One secret of avoiding psychological fear, is to resolve what’s unforgiven in one’s life.
    Next would be to learn everything about how identification, projection, association, reaction and assumption work.…
    See more
    • 8w
  • Eric Coz
    Everyone has anxiety. Anxiety is not mental illness.
    • 8w
    1 Reply
Share quoteSelect how you’d like to share below
Share on Facebook
Share to Twitter
Send in Whatsapp
Share on Linkedin
Privacy  ·  Terms  ·  Cookies  ·  © Meta 2022
Discover fresh voices. Tune into new conversations. Browse all publications