"I love you all dearly but want you all out by 10pm," announced my friend with a huge smile. While not the typical dinner party greeting, I greatly appreciate her crystal clear message: enjoy but don't overstay your welcome. My friend loves having people over but she also knows her limits. "Why not be upfront about it?" she asked when I inquired about her bluntness. "I love my friends but I also love my bed. Knowing there is an end in sight alleviates my anxiety that it will go on forever."
While it feels nice to reconnect after months of social distancing, socializing can be exhausting, especially during the holidays. It is no wonder that many complain about having a "social hangover" after a night out.
A recent Twitter post that went viral captures the longing to communicate social satiety without offending anyone:
It received over 130K likes and many comments including some other go-to customs that people deploy when they are ready to call it a night.
And I couldn't resist...
The popularity of the post and the comments it generated speak to our anxiety about having a way out of social situations when we have hit our limit.
If "ich fuhle mich jetzt genug beucht" doesn't roll off your tongue and the other suggestions aren't your style, here are some social extraction protocols that might help when you are feeling "visited enough."
In the same way that my friend builds an exit strategy into her dinner parties, explicitly communicate your time frame. "I have an early appointment tomorrow morning" and "I'm on my way to... (fill in the blank)," clearly convey that you don't have all the time in the world to linger. This is especially helpful for over-talkers and serial clingers.
As described in Robert Cialdini's book Influence, people like explanations and the word "because" provides one or at least the illusion of one. There is a difference between saying "I have to go to bed" and "I have to go to bed because it's so late." People tend to be much more understanding when we give them a reason.
Work with a friend or your partner to move people along. Apparently a bartender go-to trick is to tell guests "You don't have to go home but you can't stay here."
Bottom Line: Making a big entrance may be important, but don't underestimate the benefits of having an exit strategy. For those feeling socially spent, knowing you have an out will make your night out more enjoyable.